Writing a Short Story in Japanese 日本語で小説を書く

I’m finally done with my short story. It took me a good 1 month of writing to get out 9230 characters – 3 weeks of writing and 1 week of editing was what it felt like. At the end, I felt relieved but exhausted at the same time. The whole process was really draining. I had spent 3 weeks planning my story was about 2000 characters in before I realized I wasn’t satisfied with my story. So with 1 month left to deadline day, I redid my entire story. I rewrote the plot outline, re-conceptualized the characters and came up with a completely different world than what I had started out with.

やっと小説が書き終わった。一ヶ月間の執筆で、９２３０字が書けた。あるいは、３週間の執筆で、１っ習慣の編集のほうが言えるだろう。書いたら最後、ホッとしたが、それと同時に疲れた。全体としての過程は本当に疲れる。３週間がかかって、話もう２０００字ができた時に、僕が話に対して不満足だった。それで、締め切りまで一ヶ月間に、小説を書き直した。あらすじを書き直し、カラックターを考え直し、前と完全に違う世界を作ってきた。

What I realized about the process of writing my short story was that instead of coming up with a full story from the start, I just had a rough idea of where my story was going. From there, I started writing, but I would revise my story periodically and draw character relational maps to make sure everything make sense. I would also take that opportunity to see how I could introduce a plot twist or a conversation in the mix.

小説を書いている中で、全部の話ができたのではなく、ただ大雑把に考えておいた。それから、書き始めたが、定期的に話を見直し、キャラクターの関係に対して関係マップを書いて、全部が合理的ということを確かめた。更に、話のトリック、会話もどのように交えられるのも考えた。

Putting what I visualized in my head onto paper was difficult. I would try to find the expression in English on the web, but the dictionary would return me a not so natural one. So I had to ask many Japanese people by acting out the movements, or explaining what I wanted to say in a roundabout way. Here is a little list of phrases I’ve accumulated (not exhaustive). I’ll compile a list for future reference later on.

自分が想像したことを言葉にするのは難しかった。ネットで英語の表現を探そうとしても、辞書に述べたのは不自然なのだった。それで、多くの日本人に説明してくれるために、いろいろなしぐさをしたり、自分が言いたいことを遠回しに説明したりした。これは小説に使った表現だけど、後でもっと網羅的なリストを作る。

神様か魔法使いが、指をパチンと鳴らして、彼女を消したような気がした。
It was like some god, or magician had snapped his fingers and got rid of her.

頭をホームの天井に向かって、彼は息を吐いた。
He faced the ceiling of the platform and exhaled deeply.

彼女はまるで生身の人間に見える。
She looked like a real human being.

と、どもりながら言った。
stammered

まるで敵のように彼を襲ってくるゆらゆら揺れる草
Grass that attacked him as if it was his enemy.

彼女は一歩後ずさりした。
She took a step back

部屋へ駆け上がり、鍵をかけた。
Ran up to his room and locked the door.

立っている気配を感じ
Felt her presence.

I think the expression I was most stunned by, was the one to describe two people walking next to each other while maintaining a distance not too far and not too close. It went like 付かず離れずの距離。I swear I would never have thought of that by myself. It sounds so succinct in Japanese.

一番びっくりした表現は、二人がそばに歩いているけど、遠くはないけど、近くはない距離を維持するということだ。それは付かず離れずの距離だった。それはほんとうに自分で考えられないものだ。日本語の表現は簡潔に見えた。

Also, I got really worried when I finished writing my short story. Would people understand it on their first read? I got one of the Japan Plaza TAs to read my short story and she understood it! I was so so so relieved. I don’t know what I would have done if she didn’t. It was like 2 days to deadline day.

そして、小説を書き終わったあと、すごく心配していた。皆が僕の話をわかってくれるだろう？ジャパンプラザの一人のTAが僕の小説を読んで、彼女がその話をわかった！僕がすごくホッとした。もしそうではなかったら、困るだろう。その時は締め切りの二日前だった。

Many many thanks to everyone who had taken the time to read my story and gave me really good feedback. I owe you all one!

Musings on learning Japanese

I feel that as I’m learning Japanese, I’m having someone tell me which direction I should be going in. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is just really different from the type of education I had been receiving at Yale-NUS. At YNC, I’m always challenged to find an answer on my own. Computer science assignments were designed to force us to do the hard work on our own. I’d spend 15-20hrs per assignment and come out really exhausted.

日本語を勉強する中で、いつもどの方針へ向かうべきのかを教えてくれている。それは悪いとは限らないが、ただYNCで受けていた教育と違うのだ。YNCには、いつも自ら挑戦して、答えを探らせてもらう。コンピューター科学の宿題はわざと自分でするしかないということのもとで作られた。それで、宿題が毎回１５〜２０時間がかかっちゃって、疲れるようになるのだ。

However, at Nanzan, I’m never really completely out of it (unless it’s hell week, which I’ll explain in a minute), mainly because I know what I need to memorize, I know how to approach my homework, so a lot of the thinking process has already been done for me. As a result, I’ve the freedom to explore and try out the words/phrases I’ve used in different contexts. That’s something I’m looking forward to do when I go back to Singapore.

しかし、南山では、そんなに疲れていない（もし最も辛いな一週間だったら、へとへとになってしまうけど、後でもっと説明する）。主要な要因は何かを覚えるべきか、どうやって宿題をするかといった考える過程がもう決めてくれたので、自由に他のコンテキストに様々な言語やフレーズを試すことができた。シンガポールに帰ってから、そういうことを期待している。

Checkpoint: 2 months to the end

In a flash, 1 month has passed, and I’ve unwittingly took a hiatus on this blog. First, to get the feelings out of the way:

I’m tired. 8 months of intensive Japanese, and I’m feeling the tiredness in my heart. These 8 months have felt like a marathon. But something is urging me on. I think it is pride. Just pride that I have to take in my work – that I will put in the most energy I can muster.

Classes have felt pointless at times. Learning about unemployment rates, exploitation of labour, life expectancy, can make me feel like I’m living in a vacuum, away from normal everyday life, but this is what society is made up of. Each time I read the news and online articles, I’m reminded that I’m growing as a Japanese learner, constructing a worldview of my own, and being able to position myself as a foreigner in Japan.

Looking back at 8 months and seeing how much I’ve been able to do, keeps me going when motivation feels like it’s slipping away. I think the thing that surprised me the most, is that I’m reading Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore quite easily. I’m not stopping to check Kanji half the time, nor am I re-reading portions to make sure I get the story. I’m actually just visualizing the story, and re-creating Kafka’s world in my head. There’s this satisfaction I get from reading it chapter by chapter, and letting the storyline sink.

Another thing: I’ve taken Japanese classes, almost all in a pure all-Japanese environment, and that means I’ve started to think solely in Japanese. It’s a blessing. I don’t need to translate every sentence I hear, nor do I have to translate from English to Japanese as I speak. It means that I don’t get tired speaking Japanese, but it also means that I find it hard to transition from Japanese to English and vice versa. That’s a hurdle I’ll have to overcome as I go back to Singapore.

I’m both more confident and less confident with my Japanese. I get more confident from being able to speak more and more, but exactly because of that, I find so many more holes to fill. If I don’t think through my sentences properly, I tend to ramble and don’t finish my sentences. There are also really simple words that I just forget, or words where I’ll go like “Why have I not learnt that before?!” It gets frustrating as I put more expectations on myself.

So I’ve learnt to let go of those expectations. I know I’m improving, and I can be confident that in my abilities to keep learning, so I know I can afford to keep stumbling and learn from them. Through the classes I’m taking, I’m a lot more aware of the way I choose particles, connect sentences, and be aware of the differences of very similar words. I can now do this without needing to write them in a notebook as I’m did 2 years ago in Nanzan, and can to some degree of success replicate them in conversations. From here on, I need to be confident in this ability and keep speaking, reading, and writing.

On traveling in Japan, since the last blogpost, I’ve been to Ise Jingu, Kyoto, Sapporo, Otaru, and I have so many stories to tell, but I will have to put that on hold.

On living in Japan, besides the daily grind, I’ve been able to interact with kids from my landlady’s tuition centre, plan out a possible field trip to Ishikawa to visit a lacquerware artist, catch up with friends I haven’t seen in ages, and I think importantly, to learn how to live well.

I have discovered things I enjoy, namely drinking tea, coffee, reading leisurely at a café, the occasional drinking with friends, eating good food etc, and knowing what my style and personality are like. These are my anchors which I have turned to when I feel a little nervy. I’m a lot calmer than I was back in Singapore, and I’m thinking a lot clearer now.

What I do miss though, is the conversations back at YNC, playing the piano, talking to my mom and my family, eating good Singaporean food, my good old friends whom I’ve lost contact with while being in Japan, and, being exposed to a ton of opportunities in YNC.

These, I will treasure when I’m back.

In 2 months time, I will be heading back to Singapore. Time flies really quickly, and I’m starting to look out for job opportunities over the summer. I’m going to take the JLPT N1 come July, and enter a speech contest to continue honing my Japanese skills. From what I’ve gotten on the web, I can work as a translator in a law firm, or be a tram commentator at the Night Safari. We’ll see what other openings there are in time to come.